Happy Holidays
by SpaceMonkey0941
Summary: The gang gets together for a little holiday cheer. Threeparter. The first two bits can stand on their own, but I put 'em together so the last one will make sense. Chapter Three, Caroling Caroling! I was going to post this tomorrow, but what the hey.
1. Chapter 1: Presents!

A/N: First in a set of three holiday one-shots, first two based on BiteMeTechie's "100 first lines" last one not. It's the holidays, and the team is relaxing (or not relaxing, as the case may be) with a Christmas party. Chapter One, Presents! and line #085, "Aren't you going to open it?"

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"Aren't you going to open it?"

The movie room was seemingly packed with brightly colored boxes and parcels. John Sheppard, Elizabeth Weir, Rodney McKay, Radek Zelenka, Ronon Dex, Teyla Emmagan, Laura Cadman, and Carson Beckett were all sprawled on the floor with a few gifts in front of each person.

Rodney was holding a large box wrapped in pink and gold, and was glaring at it suspiciously. The question had come from Laura Cadman, who was sitting in Doctor Beckett's lap and seemed to be enjoying herself immensely.

Rodney glanced up at her, glowering, and snapped, "Yes, yes, of course I'm going to open it, I was just checking for . . . uh . . . any signs of . . . tampering."

Snorts from Ronon and John. "Why would someone tamper with your Christmas present, Rodney? Who's it from anyway?" chuckled the Colonel.

Rodney sighed and rolled his eyes, then explained as if to a two-year-old, "I don't _know_, Colonel, that would be why I was checking for a booby trap of some sort. I'm a very important man to this expedition, you know. I could have enemies."

Years of diplomatic training enabled Dr. Weir to hide her laughter, but others, like John and Ronon were not so controlled, and burst out laughing. Laura did not even try to hide her amusement, but retorted sarcastically, "Enemies you say, wow, I wonder why _that_ would be?"

"Sure, sure lad, we believe you, you're really integral, but who would want to bother booby-trapping your Christmas present I'd like to know?" Carson chuckled.

Rodney glared at the world and set about opening the present. After he had gotten the gaudy wrapping paper off, he was left with a black box the size of a large book. He opened it and the color drained from his face. His eyes widened and his mouth dropped open. He stuck a disbelieving finger into the box and his eyes got even wider, if that were possible.

"What, what is it?" everyone asked, noticing his behavior.

He stuttered aimlessly for a while, then gave up and passed the box to Radek.

The Czech looked into the box, poked its contents and started to giggle. When pressed for information, he shook his head, still laughing, and passed the box to Teyla. She was also overcome with mirth when exposed to the mystery of the box, and passed it on to Elizabeth.

The box made the rounds of the room, with every person laughing by the time it got back to Rodney. When Marc Lorne popped his head into the room to give his report to Weir, he asked them what the hell was going on, and finally, amidst fits of guffaws, Elizabeth was able to shout out, "Rodney got a box of rubber lemons for Christmas!"

At this point everyone collapsed in laughter again and Major Lorne wisely left, shutting the door behind him.

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A/N: Next stop, the games begin! OMG I'm doing a multi-chapter 'fic! THE APOCALYPSE IS NIGH!!!!


	2. Chapter 2: Fun and Games

A/N: Part two of my multi-chapter one-shots! It's the holidays, and the team is relaxing (or not relaxing, as the case may be) with some party games. Chapter Two, Worst Case Scenario and Line #020, "It's not your turn!"

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"It's not your turn, Rodney!" John chided, grabbing the die away from the protesting scientist. "You didn't know what to do when faced with a crazed alien koala, so it's Laura's roll."

Rodney grumbled but sat back. Laura Cadman grinned, took the die from John, and rolled it. "Another six! Yes! Four more plays like this and we've won!"

Elizabeth grinned too, but wagged her finger warningly and said, "But you haven't answered the question right yet!"

She drew a card from the deck marked, "Worse Case Scenario: Pegasus Edition" and cleared her throat. "How to escape..." she paused for effect. "...from a rampaging..." she paused again.

"GET ON WITH IT!" everyone yelled.

She blinked innocently. "What?" She ducked from the party debris everyone threw at her, and continued, giggling slightly. "How to escape from a rampaging . . . Aratis bug!" she finished triumphantly.

John groaned, mumbling, "I _hate_ those bugs, and they don't rampage anyway," but everyone's attention was focused on Elizabeth reading the three possible answers.

"A: Find the nearest body of water and submerge yourself."

People whispered amongst themselves a bit.

"B: Find the nearest tree and climb up it."

People whispered amongst themselves some more.

"C: Find the nearest Puddlejumper and get the hell out of Dodge."

People whispered amongst themselves yet again.

Laura Cadman bit her lip coquettishly. "Um . . ." she frowned. But her expression brightened when she saw her partner Carson gesturing from behind Elizabeth. John, Elizabeth's partner, noticed the sign-language going on, but did nothing to stop it, figuring that if his team lost, he could at least comfort Elizabeth afterwards.

Laura beamed as she answered, "C!"

Elizabeth scowled good-naturedly. "My, Laura, you're quite the survivor!"

The game continued in this vein for some time, finally ending when Laura and Carson's piece reached the end of the trail and Rodney surrendered his piece, despite scowls from his partner Ronon, who was sure he could have answered some more questions.

Everyone's good spirits made for a very enjoyable evening, becoming even more wonderful when a Marine brought more refreshments. Zelenka revealed his hidden bar-tendering abilities, Laura did a tap-dance for them, and everyone had a great time.

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A/N: Yeah, cop-out ending, I know, but the next chapter ties everything up. How'm I doing so far?


	3. Chapter 3: Caroling, Caroling

A/N: Final part of Atlantis's holiday saga. This is a few hours (and a few drinks) after the first bits, and is not inspired by BiteMeTechie's "100 first lines" on the When Plot Bunnies Attack forum! Ha ha, made you look! Anyway, I should warn more squeamish readers that there might . . . possibly . . . if you look veeery hard . . . be some slash in this chapter.

Gasp.

You could also – possibly – find some Spanky and Sparky. Again, you have to get out your microscopes and go hunting for it, but the rest is all good clean fun, just like what I always write.

And if you believed that, I have a galaxy to sell you.

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"What man is this, who, laid to rest

On Radek's lap, is sleeping?

Whom ancients greet with anthems sweet,

While Sheppard's watch is beeping?

This, this is Rodney McKay

Whom Sheppard guards and computers obey

Haste, haste to bring him food

The brilliant -hic- astrophysicist!"

As Elizabeth finished her rendition, there was absolute silence. Almost absolute, one should say, because a careful observer could definitely hear the snorts and wheezes coming from a comatose Doctor McKay, who had passed out after the fourth round of eggnog and was now leaning heavily on Doctor Zelenka, who looked rather happy with the arrangement for some reason.

Elizabeth took the silence as expectancy on the part of her audience, and said, "Oh alright, -hic- I'll do another verse...God rest ye merry, Aaaaancients, let nothing you dismay! -hic- For our best astrophysicist is Meridith McKaaay!"

However, the protestations Ronon and Teyla made at this were moot, because their leader's swaying brought her down to earth quite suddenly, and she found herself perched on the lap of an equally unbalanced John Sheppard.

"Did you like the parts I put in about you, Johnnie?" Elizabeth slurred, poking him on the chest gently.

John fell over on his back and frowned at her. "Owch, 'Lizbeth, you didn't have to push me so hard." His face developed a roguish smirk as he added, "I'd have fallen any way you wanted me to, all you had to do was..." he pulled her down with him, eliciting a giggle as he whispered into her ear. Her eyes widened and she sat up dizzily.

"Why John Sheppard! I can't believe what I'm hearing!" She proclaimed.

He frowned in puzzlement. "Did I say it too quietly?" he inquired petulantly.

About to answer, Dr. Weir froze with her mouth half-open. A puzzled expression found its way onto her face, but after going around in circles for a minute found its way off again.

She suddenly collapsed into giggles. Sheppard looked at her bemusedly, a smile beginning to show itself on his face, until it became too much for him and he burst out laughing too. "What's . . . hahaha . . . so . . . -snort- . . . funny, Lizzie?" he managed to get out.

She laughed even harder as she replied, "I have -hic- no idea Johnnie!"

They both collapsed against each other and fell asleep, still giggling once in a while just for kicks.

Teyla and Ronon exchanged wide-eyed glances. They had never seen their commanders so . . . unhinged before. But their contemplations of strange Earth customs were brought to an abrupt halt when the whiney voice of Atlantis's top astrophysicist reached their ears.

"But Radek! Why won't you accept me for who I am? I love you!" Rodney wailed, clasping the hand of his coworker. Radek shushed him comfortingly before replying, "It is not that I do not accept, Rodney, it is that I was afraid that _you_ would not accept _me_!"

As Radek beamed at his newly-found soulmate, Rodney's expression changed slowly from one of doubt to one of complete bliss, and one could almost see the lightbulb click on in his brain.

However, not wanting to lose his title as "Captain Obvious 2006," he had to stutter, "You . . . you . . . you mean it?"

Zelenka kept beaming as he stood up and carried Rodney out the door.

Teyla shook her head bewilderedly. Ronon, however, was occupied by staring behind Sheppard and Weir's sofa, where Laura Cadman and Carson Beckett seemed to be holding some sort of drinking competition. Empty bottles of something littered the ground around them, and they were both sitting and leaning heavily on the wall as they each downed yet another round of . . . whatever it was they were drinking.

He heard whispered conversation and stifled giggles coming from their corner, but turned around when he felt Teyla's tug on his arm. He glanced at her, and following her nod, looked over at Dr. Weir and Colonel Sheppard again. Apparently they had woken up, and were now engaged in a whispered conversation that could be heard several yards away, about something that sounded like, "Cowardly Lion my ass! The real story's about Toto!" "Oh come off it, it's all Lion! He's got the most to overcome," and so on and so forth.

Ronon stood abruptly and left, pulling Teyla with him. Once they were out in the hall, he headed for a balcony. They stood in silence for a minute, drinking in the beautiful night, then Ronon chuckled softly. "That . . . was intense." he said.

Teyla laughed and nodded. "Earth has many strange customs, many of which seem to involve drinking."

Ronon considered that, then said, "I have no problem with the drinking, I had a few of those . . . eggnog things myself, it's just that Earth humans don't seem to be able to have much control over their emotions."

Teyla agreed. "I, too, had some to drink, although I do not care for - whiskey I believe it is called - much, but you are right, our friends were very . . . loose tonight."

They both laughed for a bit about that, and he moved slightly closer to her. "The, uh, atmosphere was agreeable, though," he hazarded.

She looked up at him, smiling, and nodded.

He swallowed his misgivings and put an arm around her waist. "I'm glad they all worked out their differences."

She leaned her head on his arm. "I am as well."

Losing her balance slightly, she staggered a bit, catching herself on the rail of the balcony. "I guess I drank more than I thought," she said sheepishly.

He laughed, a deep throaty sound that made her even dizzier. He tightened his grasp of her waist and suggested, "Should we find somewhere to sit down?"

She nodded gratefully and moved to walk away, then stopped and looked up at him appraisingly. Coming to a decision, she took his hand and began to lead him away from the balcony, saying over her shoulder, "I believe my quarters are nearest."

Eyebrows raised, he followed her blindly, his mind in a turmoil, but when they passed the open door to the room of the party and he saw Sheppard, arms around a sleeping Elizabeth, he made eye contact and grinned. Sheppard raised his eyebrows as well and gave Ronon a surprised thumbs-up.

As they wandered the halls towards Teyla's room, Ronon's only thought was that he must ask John what was in those drinks.

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A/N: Falalalalaaaah, lah laaaaah laaaaaah laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! (And about this chapter, all I'll say is this: don't combine tree-decorating with cheesecake. It gets messy.)

Happy Holidays everyone!


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